How to Choose a Sex Toy: Materials, Sizes, and Safety

Disclosure: Blue Jay is reader-supported. Some links in this guide may be affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. We sell nothing of our own, and no brand pays for placement here. Every recommendation framework below is ours, and every safety claim is sourced.

Walk into this decision cold and it feels rigged. Thousands of near-identical listings, all promising the same thing, none of them carrying a label you can actually trust. As you’ll see, there is no label requirement to begin with.

So most people do one of two things: they buy whatever’s cheapest and hope, or they freeze and buy nothing. Both are understandable. Neither is necessary.

This is a complete, brand-neutral framework for choosing an adult product: how to read materials, how to think about size, which lube goes with what, how to clean it, and the red flags that tell you to close the tab. We don’t sell anything, so the only thing this guide is optimized for is you walking away able to evaluate any product yourself.

Key Takeaways

• Choosing an adult product is completely normal: over half of US women (52.5%) and about 45% of men have used a vibrator, and 71.5% of users report no side effects.
• Safety is on you: in the US and Canada, sex toys are largely sold as unregulated “novelty items,” so the material matters more than the brand name.
• Non-porous materials (silicone, glass, stainless steel) are the body-safe baseline. Porous jelly and PVC can contain up to roughly 70% phthalates by weight.
• Match your lube to your material (water-based is always safe), start smaller than you think, and clean it every single time.

Are sex toys safe? What the numbers actually say#

For the vast majority of people, yes: using a sex toy is safe, and serious problems are rare. The risks that do exist come almost entirely from the wrong material or poor hygiene, not from the act itself.

Let’s normalize this first, because the anxiety is the point. Vibrator use is not a fringe habit. In the largest nationally representative US survey of sexual behavior, 52.5% of women and 44.8% of men reported having used a vibrator at some point in their lives (Herbenick et al., The Journal of Sexual Medicine ↗, 2009). If you’ve used one, you’re in the majority. If you haven’t, you’re in very good company.

Just as reassuring: most people who use them have no problems. The same study found that 71.5% of women who’d used a vibrator had never experienced any side effects: no numbness, no irritation, nothing. When side effects did occur, they were usually mild and short-lived.

Injuries serious enough to need an emergency room do happen, but they’re uncommon, and the data points to a clear pattern. They’re mostly preventable, and they cluster around two things: poor hygiene and items being used in ways they weren’t designed for. Both are exactly what the rest of this guide teaches you to avoid. (If you’re also wondering whether your interest itself is “normal,” there’s reassuring research on that too, and there’s no normal number for any of this.)

Sex toys are barely regulated, and that changes how you shop#

The fact that reframes everything else on this page: in the United States and Canada, most sex toys are sold as “novelty items,” a legal category that exempts them from the safety oversight applied to medical devices. No one certifies that a toy is safe before it reaches you. Effectively, you are the regulator.

This isn’t an exaggeration. Because regulators treat these products as novelties rather than medical devices, manufacturers aren’t required to prove their materials are body-safe, disclose what they’re made of, or meet any premarket safety standard (Columbia Journal of Law & Social Problems, “Penetrating FDA Regulation” ↗, 2025). That “for novelty use only” disclaimer you’ll spot in fine print isn’t a quirky joke. It’s a liability shield.

The European Union shows what regulation looks like when it exists. Since July 2020, EU rules have restricted four common phthalates (DEHP, DBP, BBP, DIBP) to less than 0.1% by weight in consumer articles under REACH Annex XVII ↗. The US has no equivalent rule for these products. In other words, the chemicals the EU decided were too risky to put in everyday items can legally appear, in any concentration, in an American sex toy.

The takeaway: You can’t assume a product is safe because it’s for sale. Safety isn’t certified for you, so the skill worth learning is how to evaluate a product yourself. That’s the skill the rest of this guide builds.

Body-safe materials: what to look for and what to avoid#

The single most reliable rule in this entire guide: choose a non-porous material. Medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel, and hard ABS plastic are the body-safe baseline. Porous materials (jelly, PVC, rubber, “cyberskin” and most soft translucent toys) can never be fully cleaned and may leach chemicals called phthalates.

Phthalates are plasticizers used to make soft plastics flexible. They’re also endocrine disruptors, which is why regulators restrict them in children’s toys. In cheap jelly toys, they can make up a startling share of the object itself. Testing has found phthalate content ranging from roughly 24% up to about 70% by weight, meaning some of these toys are more plasticizer than anything else (testing reviewed in Safety testing of adult novelties using in vitro methods ↗).

This isn’t new information, which is part of the problem. As far back as 2006, the Danish Environmental Protection Agency tested sex toys ↗ and detected DEHP and other phthalates alongside cadmium, phenol, and trimethyltin. Those findings helped push Europe toward regulation. Two decades later, unregulated markets still sell the same materials.

One more trap: “body-safe” is an unregulated marketing term. Anyone can print it on a box. It tells you nothing by itself. What matters is the actual named material, and a brand willing to tell you exactly what that is.

Quick rule: If a listing won’t tell you the material in plain words (“100% silicone,” “borosilicate glass,” “stainless steel”), assume it’s porous and move on. Reputable makers name their materials because it’s a selling point.

Porous vs. non-porous: the one distinction that matters most#

If you remember only one thing from this guide, make it this: non-porous can be fully cleaned, porous cannot. A non-porous surface has no microscopic holes for bacteria, viruses, or fungi to hide in, so soap and water genuinely clean it. A porous surface is a sponge at the microscopic level, and no amount of washing sterilizes it.

That single property drives almost every hygiene decision you’ll make. The reference:

Material	Porous?	Fully cleanable?	Can boil / dishwasher?	Verdict
Medical-grade silicone	No	Yes	Yes (no motor)	✅ Best all-rounder
Borosilicate glass	No	Yes	Yes	✅ Excellent, non-reactive
Stainless steel	No	Yes	Yes	✅ Excellent, durable, weighty
Hard ABS plastic	No	Yes	No	✅ Good, budget-friendly
Jelly / PVC / rubber	Yes	No	No	❌ Avoid
”Cyberskin” / TPE blends	Yes	No	No	⚠️ Porous; use with a condom

The workaround, if you already own or want a porous toy: put a condom over it and replace the condom each time. It reduces the risk, though it doesn’t eliminate it, because the surface can still degrade and shed chemicals.

How to choose the right size (without the guesswork)#

Start smaller than you think you need. Size is about comfort and anatomy, not bravado, and you can always size up later, but you can’t un-buy something that’s too big.

Two things trip up first-time buyers. The first is that girth, not length, is usually the limiting factor. Circumference is what determines whether something feels comfortable or like too much, and it’s easy to misjudge from a product photo. When in doubt, pick the narrower option.

The second is that insertable length and total length are not the same number. Listings advertise total length, which includes the handle, base, or controls. Look for the insertable figure, which is often noticeably shorter, before you compare anything to your expectations.

It also helps to ground this in actual anatomy rather than marketing. A lot of anxiety about size evaporates once you understand how bodies are really built. For example, the clitoris is far larger and more internal than most people ever learned, which changes what kind of stimulation (and what kind of toy) actually makes sense. If that’s new territory, the anatomy in Where Is the Clitoris, Really? is worth two minutes before you spend a dollar. The short version: match the toy to the stimulation you already know you like, in a size that errs small.

Lube and material compatibility: a quick reference#

Use lube. It reduces friction and the micro-tears that raise the risk of irritation and infection, and the rule is simple: water-based lube is safe with every material. The one pairing to avoid is silicone lube on a silicone toy, because silicone dissolves silicone.

The full matrix:

Lube type	Silicone toy	Glass / steel	ABS plastic	With condoms
Water-based	✅ Safe	✅ Safe	✅ Safe	✅ Safe
Silicone-based	❌ Degrades toy	✅ Safe	✅ Safe	✅ Safe
Oil-based	⚠️ Check maker	✅ Safe	✅ Safe	❌ Breaks latex
Hybrid (water+silicone)	⚠️ Risky	✅ Safe	✅ Safe	⚠️ Check label

Why does silicone-on-silicone fail? Chemically, like dissolves like: silicone lubricant softens and swells the surface of a silicone toy, leaving it tacky, pitted, and permanently damaged. It’s the most common way people ruin an otherwise good toy.

When you’re unsure, reach for water-based. It’s the universal default: safe with every toy material, safe with condoms, and easy to clean up. Its only real downside is that it can dry out and need reapplying.

Cleaning and care: the non-negotiable step#

Clean your toy before the first use and after every use. For non-porous materials, warm water and mild, unscented soap is genuinely enough. Porous toys, as covered above, can never be fully sanitized no matter how carefully you wash them.

This isn’t fussiness. It’s where the real health risk lives. Emergency-department data on sex-toy injuries, drawn from the US National Electronic Injury Surveillance System, shows thousands of cases treated over the past two decades, and the rate climbed noticeably in more recent years (Forrester, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy ↗, 2021). The specifics matter less than the pattern: the harms are concentrated in hygiene lapses and misuse, both of which are avoidable.

Per material:

• Silicone, glass, steel (no motor): soap and water; can also be boiled for a few minutes or run through the dishwasher (top rack, no detergent) for a deeper clean.
• Anything with a motor or battery: wipe with a damp, soapy cloth; never submerge unless it’s rated fully waterproof.
• Porous (jelly/PVC/TPE): wash what you can, use a condom over it, and accept that it will need replacing sooner.

Storage matters too. Keep toys clean, dry, and separate. Some silicone toys can react and get tacky if they’re stored touching each other, so a cloth bag or a dedicated box per toy is worth it.

First-time buyer checklist and red flags#

You don’t need to become a materials scientist. A short checklist beats hours of scrolling, and a handful of red flags will tell you when to close the tab.

Before you buy, confirm:

1. The material is named in plain words, and it’s non-porous (silicone, glass, steel, or ABS).
2. The brand is identifiable and stands behind the product (a real warranty is a good sign).
3. You know the insertable size, and it errs on the smaller side.
4. It’s fully cleanable for how you plan to use it (waterproof if you want shower use).
5. You have a compatible lube, water-based if in doubt.

Walk away if you see:

• No material listed, or a vague one (“soft touch,” “jelly,” “realistic skin”).
• “For novelty use only” as the whole safety story.
• No brand name, no reviews, no return policy.
• A strong chemical smell in reviews. That odor is often plasticizer off-gassing.

If you’re torn between budget and premium, here’s the honest split: spend more for material quality and a warranty, not for gimmicks. A well-made simple silicone toy beats a cheap feature-packed jelly one every time.

Frequently asked questions#

What sex toy should a beginner start with?#

Start with something small, non-porous, and simple. A basic body-safe silicone toy matched to stimulation you already know you enjoy is the most forgiving first purchase. Fancy features are easy to add later; the wrong material or size is not easy to fix.

Are expensive adult toys worth it?#

Sometimes, but you’re paying for material and build quality, not bells and whistles. Higher prices are justified by medical-grade materials, a real warranty, and better motors. They’re not justified by marketing features you won’t use. A simple, well-made toy usually outperforms a cheap, complicated one.

Can you be allergic to a sex toy?#

Yes. Some people react to latex or to the chemical additives in porous materials like jelly and PVC. If you have sensitive skin or known allergies, stick to the non-porous, hypoallergenic options: medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, or stainless steel.

Do I really need lube?#

Yes, in most cases. Lube reduces friction, which lowers the chance of irritation and tiny tears that raise infection risk. Even with a “smooth” toy, a little water-based lube makes things more comfortable and safer. It’s the easiest upgrade you can make.

Is it safe to share sex toys?#

Only with precautions. A non-porous toy that you clean thoroughly between users can be shared more safely; covering it with a fresh condom each time adds protection. Sharing a porous toy without a condom can transmit infections, so treat that as a firm no.

The bottom line#

Choosing an adult product gets a lot simpler once you stop trusting the label and start reading the product. The market won’t tell you what’s safe, but now you know how to tell yourself.

• Material first. Non-porous (silicone, glass, steel, ABS) is the baseline; skip porous jelly and PVC entirely.
• Start smaller than you think, and read insertable size, not total length.
• Water-based lube is the universal default. Never put silicone lube on a silicone toy.
• Clean every time. Hygiene, not the act, is where the real risk lives.
• No material listed, no purchase. That’s the whole trick.

Your next step is the fun part: use the checklist on whatever you’re considering. And if you want to go deeper, these guides pick up where this one leaves off.

Continue learning#

The basics:

• Sex Education for Adults: Facts, Anatomy, and Myths, the refresher most of us never got.
• Where Is the Clitoris, Really?, the anatomy that makes choosing a toy make sense.
• Is There a “Normal” Amount of Sex?, what the research actually says.

Choosing and caring for products (coming soon in this series):

• Body-Safe Sex Toy Materials: What to Look For and Avoid
• Silicone vs. Glass vs. Stainless Steel: Which Material Is Safest?
• How to Choose the Right Size: A No-Shame Fit Guide
• How to Clean and Store Adult Toys Properly
• Water-Based vs. Silicone Lube: What’s the Actual Difference?

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This guide is educational and not medical advice. If you have a health concern, a persistent irritation, or questions about a specific condition, talk to a qualified healthcare provider.